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revdorothyl at 02:30pm on 16/07/2003
revdorothyl at 02:30pm on 16/07/2003Continuing my search for meaning and inspiration, with the help of my Freud facsimile, my
“pseudo-Sigmund.” This time around, we finally get around to touching on the "big O" (that's OEDIPUS, of course -- why, what were you thinking?).
Me: I’m sorry I wasn’t able to keep our appointment last week, but my parents came for a visit from Tuesday to Friday, and that sort of ate up most of my time.
Freud: Tell me about this visit. How did it feel to spend that much time with your parents? ( Read more... )
Me (continued): Believe it or not, the “Buffy” stuff we discussed in previous sessions plays into that. I mean, ever since I first became a fan of “Star Trek,” I’ve been using the heroes and morals of favorite TV shows as sort of substitute parents. When I couldn’t be LIKE my parents, or even spend much time with my parents, I could spend time with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock and imagine what it might be like to inhabit their universe, to adopt their values.
Freud: The hero myth as ego-ideal.
Me: Pretty much. It was "Star Trek" and the Bible, plus a couple of favorite books by Andre Norton and Anne McCaffrey, that I turned to when I wanted to feel that the world makes sense and that there are good people whom I can try to emulate. And then, finally, in "Xena" and "Buffy" there were kick-ass female heroes on T.V.--WOMEN I could identify with, and who were doing the world-changing, world-saving stuff that I used to think only male religious leaders got to do.
Freud: Why is that important to you?
Me: Well, here's where I have to leave you and turn to Winnicott, instead. But since all those Object Relations Theory folks really got their start from your "Mourning and Melancholia," I guess we can still talk about it. It comes down to realizing that my issues stem from the pre-Oedipal maternal relationship, rather than all that Oedipal father-daughter stuff you thought was so important. For me, the kick-butt mothers I saw in "Terminator 2" and "Aliens" and "Xena" seemed like water in the desert. And then, with "Buffy," I saw a kick-butt daughter. I haven't worked it all out, yet, but I think I need to believe in a cosmic mother who survives all efforts at destruction and reserves her fierceness and anger for the effective defense of her child, . . . of me. And "Buffy" is about learning to become that for MYSELF, to finally grow up and have the courage and strength inside me, rather than expecting everybody else in the world to give me the unconditional love and approval I never got.
Freud: Okay . . .
Me: Don't worry if you don't understand all that. Like everything else, it's a work in progress. See you next time?
Freud: I'll look forward to that.
“pseudo-Sigmund.” This time around, we finally get around to touching on the "big O" (that's OEDIPUS, of course -- why, what were you thinking?).
Me: I’m sorry I wasn’t able to keep our appointment last week, but my parents came for a visit from Tuesday to Friday, and that sort of ate up most of my time.
Freud: Tell me about this visit. How did it feel to spend that much time with your parents? ( Read more... )
Me (continued): Believe it or not, the “Buffy” stuff we discussed in previous sessions plays into that. I mean, ever since I first became a fan of “Star Trek,” I’ve been using the heroes and morals of favorite TV shows as sort of substitute parents. When I couldn’t be LIKE my parents, or even spend much time with my parents, I could spend time with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock and imagine what it might be like to inhabit their universe, to adopt their values.
Freud: The hero myth as ego-ideal.
Me: Pretty much. It was "Star Trek" and the Bible, plus a couple of favorite books by Andre Norton and Anne McCaffrey, that I turned to when I wanted to feel that the world makes sense and that there are good people whom I can try to emulate. And then, finally, in "Xena" and "Buffy" there were kick-ass female heroes on T.V.--WOMEN I could identify with, and who were doing the world-changing, world-saving stuff that I used to think only male religious leaders got to do.
Freud: Why is that important to you?
Me: Well, here's where I have to leave you and turn to Winnicott, instead. But since all those Object Relations Theory folks really got their start from your "Mourning and Melancholia," I guess we can still talk about it. It comes down to realizing that my issues stem from the pre-Oedipal maternal relationship, rather than all that Oedipal father-daughter stuff you thought was so important. For me, the kick-butt mothers I saw in "Terminator 2" and "Aliens" and "Xena" seemed like water in the desert. And then, with "Buffy," I saw a kick-butt daughter. I haven't worked it all out, yet, but I think I need to believe in a cosmic mother who survives all efforts at destruction and reserves her fierceness and anger for the effective defense of her child, . . . of me. And "Buffy" is about learning to become that for MYSELF, to finally grow up and have the courage and strength inside me, rather than expecting everybody else in the world to give me the unconditional love and approval I never got.
Freud: Okay . . .
Me: Don't worry if you don't understand all that. Like everything else, it's a work in progress. See you next time?
Freud: I'll look forward to that.
awake
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