Confessions of a Liberal Puritan

Since I didn't start watching BtVS until "Teacher's Pet" (missed "Welcome to the Hellmouth" and "The Harvest" first time around), when I decided to give it a try because Entertainment Weekly was raving about it, I guess I have a little leeway in celebrating my personal "10 years of BtVS" anniversary.

So here it is: I saw "Teacher's Pet", and I was astounded to discover that this was an intelligent, quirky, almost frighteningly HONEST show, that was also funny as heck. I resolved never to miss another episode. However, I didn't think that any of my real life friends and family had yet discovered it.

I don't remember when I realized that 'I was not alone', but it didn't take too long. I remember watching a tape of the second-season episode "Ted" (which I had somehow missed recording and watching earlier) with missmurchison and her family in their living room, during a post-Christmas visit at the end of 1997.

I'd already used BtVS as the focus for a weekly paper in my Anthropology seminar in the Fall of 1997, and in February of 1998 I submitted two paper proposals for that year's annual meeting of the American Academy of Religion: one based on my Freud term-paper on Xena: Warrior Princess from 1996, and the other based on my little Anthro paper on BtVS. They asked me to present the Xena paper, but expressed regret that they couldn't also include the BtVS paper on the schedule, as well.

Like many other fans, I was heart-broken by the way the 2nd season ended in 1998, but even more determined not to miss a single episode when season 3 returned that Fall. Buffy's "reiving of Hell" in "Anne" blew my mind, and made me realize that, even more than Xena, this little show about a teenaged vampire slayer for whom high school really was hell was going to be an important focus for theological reflection and discussion for many, many years to come.

Looking back, I ended up doing a LOT of online research for my Xena conference paper in 1998, and it was the need to submit my paper to the online journal Whoosh! that finally got me to break down and learn to use email in February of 1999, but it still hadn't occurred to me to go looking for Buffy essays or even fanfic online.

I contented myself with simply 'talking about' each Buffy episode via email with my sister (it actually gave the two of us a safe topic to talk about, so we could begin to communicate in a civil and constructive manner -- as we had never, ever been able to do before) and a few friends, but never dreamed of looking for more.

I think it was like that old story about the little boy who didn't say a word until he was nearly five years old, because up until then he'd never had the need to complain about any lack in the domestic comforts provided by his parents: until nearly mid-season 6 of BtVS, when the sexual tension between Spike and Buffy -- not to mention Buffy's depression over being expelled from heaven -- had me nearly crawling out of my skin with anxiety about what might be going to happen (or NOT happen), I felt as though I was being adequately "fed" by what the series was serving up to me each week.

But in season 6 (actually, about January of 2002, I think it was), I started spending WAY too much time hogging the Divinity Library computer terminals, reading BtVS fanfic and essays. I accidentally stumbled on the short-lived "Tainted Love" website, got totally hooked on Nautibitz' story "Body Shots" which was posted there, signed up for the Yahoo email group, and everything just spiralled from there.

When missmurchsion let me read an early chapter of "Chiaroscuro", I couldn't encourage her strongly enough to post it somewhere online. That summer, she returned the favor by mightily encouraging me to get my rear in gear and submit a paper proposal to the "Blood, Text, and Fears" conference on BtVS in England.

And from there, I finally discovered a research topic that might be worth more than just the occasional little paper, here and there. That's when I realized that BtVS scholarship could shape the rest of my life (at the risk of sounding too grandiose!).