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revdorothyl at 04:45pm on 07/12/2004
revdorothyl at 04:45pm on 07/12/2004I finally got myself over to Student Health this afternoon to replace my empty asthma inhalers (something I've been 'meaning to do' for several weeks, at least), where I promptly fell apart (emotionally speaking). Hello, waterworks!
Perhaps it was just that, having preached my last sermon for this year on Sunday, taught my last regular class yesterday afternoon, and moderated what I hope will be my last church meeting for the year today, I was finally at liberty to fall to pieces . . . when I dragged myself over to Student Health, on the verge of passing out from asthmatic oxygen deprivation, just from the exertion of a brisk 10-minute walk from my car in beautiful 60+ degree weather.
Maybe I was just feeling overwhelmed by the contemplation of how reliably lousy my health has been this year -- something I normally try not to think about -- as I gave my medical history update to the nurse and nurse-practitioner.
At any rate, I was reminded once more that many people are at their most kind and generous when I am at my worst and least competent -- when the 'mask' that I normally try to maintain, of an ordinary level of competence and confidence, drops away. The nurse urged me to ask for one of the scarce flu shots (which I did, and received . . . for free), and the practitioner gave me a free sample of Advair and a coupon for discounted Ventolin whenever I got around to filling the Advair prescription, in addition to the two inexpensive inhalers I was able to purchase from them.
I hate feeling so vulnerable and, well, "naked" in front of people -- even people who are committed to helping others feel better -- but the lesson I keep having to re-learn is that my weakness can be a gift, giving other people a chance to be generous and patient to me (rather than it always having to be the other way around, with me in complete control).
Perhaps it was just that, having preached my last sermon for this year on Sunday, taught my last regular class yesterday afternoon, and moderated what I hope will be my last church meeting for the year today, I was finally at liberty to fall to pieces . . . when I dragged myself over to Student Health, on the verge of passing out from asthmatic oxygen deprivation, just from the exertion of a brisk 10-minute walk from my car in beautiful 60+ degree weather.
Maybe I was just feeling overwhelmed by the contemplation of how reliably lousy my health has been this year -- something I normally try not to think about -- as I gave my medical history update to the nurse and nurse-practitioner.
At any rate, I was reminded once more that many people are at their most kind and generous when I am at my worst and least competent -- when the 'mask' that I normally try to maintain, of an ordinary level of competence and confidence, drops away. The nurse urged me to ask for one of the scarce flu shots (which I did, and received . . . for free), and the practitioner gave me a free sample of Advair and a coupon for discounted Ventolin whenever I got around to filling the Advair prescription, in addition to the two inexpensive inhalers I was able to purchase from them.
I hate feeling so vulnerable and, well, "naked" in front of people -- even people who are committed to helping others feel better -- but the lesson I keep having to re-learn is that my weakness can be a gift, giving other people a chance to be generous and patient to me (rather than it always having to be the other way around, with me in complete control).
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If you can swing Advair financially, it is wonderful. I used to take the individual flovent and serevent inhalers and while they kept me from the "wheeze to the point of death from a 5-minute walk" point, I never really felt GOOD on them. Advair makes me feel so much better, even though it's the same combined medications, the fine powder inhalation works worlds better for me.
Here's hoping that, however ooky it feels to be naked in front of others, the experience has been cleansing and regenerative.
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And I believe this HAS been a cleansing, regenerative experience (once the initial profound embarassment wore off). Apparently, I was badly in need of a good cry and didn't know it, and the assistance they gave me with my health situation was pure bonus.
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And I hope you feel better soon. I'm glad you've got those inhalers and are taking care of yourself.