Confessions of a Liberal Puritan

I'd half forgotten about one of the few songs mathematician and satirist Tom Lehrer had written since the 1960's, until I heard Garrison Keillor trot it out on "The Prairie Home Companion" last night, so just for fun, and in case anyone else is unaware of this gem, here are the entire lyrics for "I'm Spending Hanukkah in Santa Monica":

Hannukah in Santa Monica
By Tom Lehrer, 1990

I'm spending Hannukah in Santa Monica,
Wearing sandles, lighting candles by the sea,
I spent Shavuos in East Saint Louis,
A charming spot, but clearly not the spot for me...

Those eastern winters, I can't endure 'em.
So every year I pack my gear and come out here 'til Purim.

Rosh Hashona I spend in Arizona,
And Yom Kippah way down in Mississippah.

But in December there's just one place for me--
'Mid the California flora I'll be lighting my menorah.
Like a baby in its cradle I'll be playing with my dreidel.
Here's to Judas Maccabeus,
Boy, if he could only see us,
Spending Hannukah, in Santa Monica, By the Sea!

And for the sake of equal time, here's the lyrics to Lehrer's earlier work, "A Christmas Carol":

A Christmas Carol
By Tom Lehrer

Christmas time is here, by golly;
Disapproval would be folly.
Deck the halls with hunks of holly.
Fill the cup, and don't say "when."
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens.
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again--

On Christmas Day you can't get sore;
Your fellow man you must adore.
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil--
"Just the thing I need. How nice."
It doesn't matter how sincere it
Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit;
Sentiment will not endear it.
What's important is the price.

Hark, the HERALD TRIBUNE sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry, merchants,
May you make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high
Tell us to go out and buy.

So, let the raucous sleigh bells jingle.
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky--
Don't stand underneath when they fly by!

Ahhh! That takes me back to those carefree days of youth, when I was a wet-behind-the-ears, 21-year-old seminary student, and an older student first informed me that Tom Lehrer had written more than just the perennial "Dr. Demento" favorites, "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park," "We Will All Go Together When We Go," and "So Long, Mom (I'm off to drop The Bomb)" -- the joy of discovering the Tom Lehrer oeuvre for the very first time! Good times!

*wipes away a sentimental tear*

This season is totally getting to me: I'm weeping over every sentimental image or movie that comes along.

Going to sign off, now, hoping that, when I go online again in the morning, my university e-mail server will somehow have magically healed itself and I will once again have access to the rest of my life.

I believe in e-mail! I do believe! I'm clapping my hands together right now, so it will know that I believe and magically come back to life, like Tinkerbell!