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revdorothyl at 04:57pm on 15/01/2004 under angel episode commentary
revdorothyl at 04:57pm on 15/01/2004 under angel episode commentaryI quite enjoyed last night's 'Angel' episode, "In Harm's Way" (the opening "Wolfram & Hart" promotional video alone was brilliantly funny), but for now, I only have a few comments on the closing scene in the bar.
Most of my nascent thoughts about last night's episode center around the Spuffy-centric question of what the heck Spike was doing in that bar with Harmony, when he could have been on his way to Buffy. However, before I get to that, let me just say how INTERESTING (as well as funny and even sort of touching) it was that Spike was able to alleviate Harmony's depression over not mattering to anyone by pointing out that Harmony had obviously mattered to the vamp woman who'd tried to frame and kill her. (By the by, fighting with chopsticks? How stylish was that?! If I'd been eating or drinking anything at the time, it would have been shooting out my nose just about then.) Realizing that someone had totally hated her and wanted her dead, and that therefore she IS important and DOES matter just seemed to bring Harmony so much comfort and joy.
Perhaps all that thinking he'd been doing about his relationship with Buffy had reminded Spike that being obsessed with killing someone (like, for instance, the Slayer) usually indicates that the object of your hatred is very important to you and has a lot of power over you. Maybe it reminded him of the old days, when he had boasted of "old foes" rather than old friends (BtVS 5.01). And maybe Harmony's feelings of irrelevance and alienation struck a chord with the real reason Spike was not, after all, haring off to Europe to be blissfully reunited with Buffy.
I hadn't started to put this all together until I read Caille's LJ report on "Harm's Way" and the comments by Jones and others, so part of what follows is a repeat of something I wrote as a comment on someone else's comment, but here's what I'm thinking now:
Okay, so I was a mite troubled by Spike's explanation of his non-departure at the end of the episode, at first, thinking that his reasoning sounded a little suspect, a little too forced. Maybe it was just my ongoing preference for a happy Spuffy ending (I allowed), or more likely it was poor writing (I thought, resentfully), trying to weasel out of dealing with the Spike-Buffy relationship in future. What, just because SMG won't be making a guest appearance on "Angel" this season? -- that's not a good enough reason to throw cold dishwater on what had been a really hot and fanfic-inspiring relationship like that.
But then, like many others, I remembered Spike's penchant for hiding his real feelings or motives, even from himself, in order to maintain his protective coloration (his "attitude," which is as much a part of armoring himself against the rest of the world as his leather coat is). Remembering his defensive posturing in BtVS 7.21 (trying to act like the night he spent holding Buffy while she slept hadn't scared him to death with the depth of feeling and fear of rejection it had aroused) or in 7.22 (both in the basement scene, when he almost convinced Buffy that he wouldn't let her sleep with him 'cause she still had "Angel-breath", and with his "No you don't, but thanks for saying it" response to her words of love as he was sacrificing himself to destroy the remaining Uber-vamps and close the hellmouth), I began to wonder if Spike wasn't just SCARED of how Buffy might receive him. Maybe he was afraid HE no longer mattered to the woman he loves, and that any face-to-face reunion with Buffy, or even letting her know he's alive again (he still hasn't done that, right?), would only confirm what he'd rather not have confirmed. Better to stall, to put it off as long as possible, perhaps, so he could continue to at least enjoy imagining her as out there somewhere in the world, waiting for him with open arms.
He wouldn't be likely to reveal that doubt or fear to Harmony, outright, but perhaps he was using her as a sounding board to try and convince himself that he wasn't just scared of what he might find out when he finally contacted Buffy. If he can convince Harmony, then he can convince himself that he's not merely scared to find out he was right about the not-really-loving-him thing, that Buffy's already moved on with her new not-the-only-Chosen-One-and-don't-have-the-entire-weight-of-the-world-on-my-shoulders life and would find him irrelevant, or a bit of a nuisance, now. Rather than put that to the test, he might very well try to come up with any shred of an excuse not to go, just yet. And he'd rather die (again! in agony!) than let Angel know of his insecurity in that regard. So, he'll try out the argument on Harmony (a much less discerning or critical audience) first, and only run it past Angel's all-too-motivated-to-find-the-chinks-in-his-armor eyes after he's polished and refined it.
As a dreamer and procrastinator myself, I can relate. I want to write my dissertation and be finished and get a real life and real job once more. But I don't want to find out that I can't, or that what I write has no relevance or interest for anyone, or is just not up to snuff. I don't want to find out if maybe all my fears and insecurities aren't so groundless, after all. Better to procrastinate as long as possible, and enjoy the fantasy that my work (when I finally put it out there) will be as brilliant and perfect as I think it needs to be . . . at least for a little while longer.
As a final note, even without the possible slashy interpretations, it occurs to me that Angel's aggravation, annoyance and hatred for William/Spike may be the most comforting relationship in Spike's life right now. At least Spike knows that he MATTERS to Angel, in Angel's ardent desire to see the back of him (in the sense of leaving and never darkening Angel's office door with his pomposity-puncturing presence ever again, of course). At W&H Spike knows he has a place right now and a role, if only the role of gleeful gadfly (and do I believe that Spike has so easily given up any interest in the Shanshu prophecy? No, I don't believe I do). As long as Angel hates him, Spike has at least one reliable and intimate relationship with another soul in this world.
No time now, so my reflections on Cordelia's description of Harmony as a 'sheep who only wants to do what everybody else does in order to say she did it first' (in the BtVS season 2 episode "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered") will have to wait. I just think that examining Harmony's need to define herself in terms of being a follower, in terms of what other people think of her, might be really interesting, sometime.
Most of my nascent thoughts about last night's episode center around the Spuffy-centric question of what the heck Spike was doing in that bar with Harmony, when he could have been on his way to Buffy. However, before I get to that, let me just say how INTERESTING (as well as funny and even sort of touching) it was that Spike was able to alleviate Harmony's depression over not mattering to anyone by pointing out that Harmony had obviously mattered to the vamp woman who'd tried to frame and kill her. (By the by, fighting with chopsticks? How stylish was that?! If I'd been eating or drinking anything at the time, it would have been shooting out my nose just about then.) Realizing that someone had totally hated her and wanted her dead, and that therefore she IS important and DOES matter just seemed to bring Harmony so much comfort and joy.
Perhaps all that thinking he'd been doing about his relationship with Buffy had reminded Spike that being obsessed with killing someone (like, for instance, the Slayer) usually indicates that the object of your hatred is very important to you and has a lot of power over you. Maybe it reminded him of the old days, when he had boasted of "old foes" rather than old friends (BtVS 5.01). And maybe Harmony's feelings of irrelevance and alienation struck a chord with the real reason Spike was not, after all, haring off to Europe to be blissfully reunited with Buffy.
I hadn't started to put this all together until I read Caille's LJ report on "Harm's Way" and the comments by Jones and others, so part of what follows is a repeat of something I wrote as a comment on someone else's comment, but here's what I'm thinking now:
Okay, so I was a mite troubled by Spike's explanation of his non-departure at the end of the episode, at first, thinking that his reasoning sounded a little suspect, a little too forced. Maybe it was just my ongoing preference for a happy Spuffy ending (I allowed), or more likely it was poor writing (I thought, resentfully), trying to weasel out of dealing with the Spike-Buffy relationship in future. What, just because SMG won't be making a guest appearance on "Angel" this season? -- that's not a good enough reason to throw cold dishwater on what had been a really hot and fanfic-inspiring relationship like that.
But then, like many others, I remembered Spike's penchant for hiding his real feelings or motives, even from himself, in order to maintain his protective coloration (his "attitude," which is as much a part of armoring himself against the rest of the world as his leather coat is). Remembering his defensive posturing in BtVS 7.21 (trying to act like the night he spent holding Buffy while she slept hadn't scared him to death with the depth of feeling and fear of rejection it had aroused) or in 7.22 (both in the basement scene, when he almost convinced Buffy that he wouldn't let her sleep with him 'cause she still had "Angel-breath", and with his "No you don't, but thanks for saying it" response to her words of love as he was sacrificing himself to destroy the remaining Uber-vamps and close the hellmouth), I began to wonder if Spike wasn't just SCARED of how Buffy might receive him. Maybe he was afraid HE no longer mattered to the woman he loves, and that any face-to-face reunion with Buffy, or even letting her know he's alive again (he still hasn't done that, right?), would only confirm what he'd rather not have confirmed. Better to stall, to put it off as long as possible, perhaps, so he could continue to at least enjoy imagining her as out there somewhere in the world, waiting for him with open arms.
He wouldn't be likely to reveal that doubt or fear to Harmony, outright, but perhaps he was using her as a sounding board to try and convince himself that he wasn't just scared of what he might find out when he finally contacted Buffy. If he can convince Harmony, then he can convince himself that he's not merely scared to find out he was right about the not-really-loving-him thing, that Buffy's already moved on with her new not-the-only-Chosen-One-and-don't-have-the-entire-weight-of-the-world-on-my-shoulders life and would find him irrelevant, or a bit of a nuisance, now. Rather than put that to the test, he might very well try to come up with any shred of an excuse not to go, just yet. And he'd rather die (again! in agony!) than let Angel know of his insecurity in that regard. So, he'll try out the argument on Harmony (a much less discerning or critical audience) first, and only run it past Angel's all-too-motivated-to-find-the-chinks-in-his-armor eyes after he's polished and refined it.
As a dreamer and procrastinator myself, I can relate. I want to write my dissertation and be finished and get a real life and real job once more. But I don't want to find out that I can't, or that what I write has no relevance or interest for anyone, or is just not up to snuff. I don't want to find out if maybe all my fears and insecurities aren't so groundless, after all. Better to procrastinate as long as possible, and enjoy the fantasy that my work (when I finally put it out there) will be as brilliant and perfect as I think it needs to be . . . at least for a little while longer.
As a final note, even without the possible slashy interpretations, it occurs to me that Angel's aggravation, annoyance and hatred for William/Spike may be the most comforting relationship in Spike's life right now. At least Spike knows that he MATTERS to Angel, in Angel's ardent desire to see the back of him (in the sense of leaving and never darkening Angel's office door with his pomposity-puncturing presence ever again, of course). At W&H Spike knows he has a place right now and a role, if only the role of gleeful gadfly (and do I believe that Spike has so easily given up any interest in the Shanshu prophecy? No, I don't believe I do). As long as Angel hates him, Spike has at least one reliable and intimate relationship with another soul in this world.
No time now, so my reflections on Cordelia's description of Harmony as a 'sheep who only wants to do what everybody else does in order to say she did it first' (in the BtVS season 2 episode "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered") will have to wait. I just think that examining Harmony's need to define herself in terms of being a follower, in terms of what other people think of her, might be really interesting, sometime.