Confessions of a Liberal Puritan

Just a quick note to say that, yes, I did indeed see "Forbidden Kingdom" two weeks ago, and then forgot to write a review (it's surprisingly interesting and entertaining, though no earth-shattering surprises for anyone who's familiar with the genre -- still, seeing Jet Li as "The Monkey King" with all that mischief and glee reminded me of one of the many reasons I'm so fond of watching his movies: not only can he kick butt, but he can be awfully darn charming and endearing while he's doing it!).

Meanwhile, I found time to see "Iron Man" this past weekend, and I can add a hearty recommendation to the chorus already sounding the praises of this particularly successful treatment of a Marvel property on the big screen. Robert Downey, Jr. manages to make Tony Stark so intriguing (even when he's giving the impression of being a shallow jerk, early on) that everything else falls into place: I really cared about what became of Stark and his all-too-human alter ego Iron Man.

But having gone to see the supposed romantic comedy "Made of Honor" mainly because I'm fond of some of the supporting actors (Kevin McKidd of "Rome" and "Journeyman" as the ducal and very hot Scot whom the female lead plans to marry, and Kadeem Hardison of "A Different World" as one of the male lead's best buddies/members of the male chorus, urging him on to submarine his best female friend's wedding so he can have her for himself), I suppose I was doomed to spend an unsatisfactory hour and a half, right from the start.

I COULD say (as I am sure others have already said) that this is a male fantasy version of "My Best Friend's Wedding" (a film I wasn't too fond of in the first place, since you have to cope with what an unlikable person that makes the heroine out to be from the get-go), and that -- since it's a MAN doing all the reprehensible stuff (and then some) that Julia Roberts pulled in that film -- naturally he 'wins' by successfully stealing the bride for himself in the end. I admit that I find that fact more annoying than romantically or comedically satisfying.

And I COULD say that I've never been able to find Patrick Dempsey particularly attractive (maybe because the first role I saw him in was "Loverboy" back in the 80's, and the best thing about that film was Kirstie Alley and Carrie Fisher as a couple of that accidental gigolo's more sympathetic clients), nor have I ever felt the slightest urge to watch "Grey's Anatomy" and call him "McDreamy". So, the starting premise for this movie -- that Dempsey's character is wildly attractive to and successful with women, to the point where he can find apparently hundreds of beautiful women dumb enough and damaged enough to accept his "it's all about me and what I find convenient" rules -- left me unconvinced.

Then I COULD say that Kevin McKidd's character got far too little screen-time (though he was mostly portrayed in a relatively sympathetic light, as being the dream fiance who's almost too good to be true and makes even Dempsey's character feel inadequate, in comparison). He got to sing one Robert Burns song, though, and appear naked from the waist up in a too-brief shower scene, so I suppose I should count my blessings -- no matter how cliched the writing was for his character. And Kadeem Hardison shone (to my eyes, at least) in the few scenes he appeared in, as Dempsey's least-lame male friend.

However, what really annoyed me in the end was that EVERY TIME the movie had a choice to make -- every time the script could go for the obvious, cliched, CHEAP joke, or else choose to try to surprise me and give me something deeper, something more interesting, or to examine some of its own underlying assumptions -- it took the cheap and easy route, without fail.

Of COURSE the heftier bridesmaid's dress splits down the side at some point. And of COURSE the bridesmaid who hates Dempsey's guts gets drunk and jumps on the poor, innocent man-whore in the one moment he's not actually looking for meaningless sex, and of COURSE that's the moment when the one woman he truly loves walks in and jumps to the right/wrong conclusion. And of COURSE Scottish food, music, and accents provide endless opportunities for humor over how incomprehensible they all are. Of COURSE the hero would have a crucial moment of insight when he realizes that at least one woman in his life might be worthy of being treated with the same honesty and affection he shows to dogs. Of COURSE the evil bridesmaid would somehow be responsible for Dempsey's character having to toss the caber in an embarrassing mini-kilt, for no discernible reason. Of COURSE the bride-to-be's work as an art-restorer/historian at the museum would appear in only one, brief scene, as an excuse to simulate a blow-job on a classical painting. Oh, and of COURSE the bride's grandmother wears a sex-toy as a necklace to several dressy functions. And . . . well, you get the general idea.

There was one moment when I thought, just for a second, that there might be more going on than met the eye, and that the heroine would turn out to be more than just the object of male desire and the prize in a contest for possession and would actually have something deep (or at least clever and pro-active) up her sleeve. Just a second when I thought she might turn out to be a full person in her own right, and an active agent in her own life. But nope. She's just the object of the male gaze, after all, and nothing much that happens to her outside of Dempsey's sight is really worth including in the story. It's all about what the man wants, and thinks, and needs, and plans.

How very sad for me, then, that I decided two minutes into the film that I didn't care a rat's behind for the male lead or anything that he thought or said, and that he'd have to undergo a major personality transplant/transformation in order for this film to entertain me at all. But no such interest-saving operation took place, apparently, and so the ending of this film was doomed to be D.O.A., as far as I was concerned.

Of course, I could be just a bit biased. I really didn't like the guy this movie expected me to root for, when you come right down to it, and I really didn't like the fact that the script seemed determined to leave no cheap shot un-taken.