Confessions of a Liberal Puritan

As far as the offer from Presbytery being time-limited, yes, it was --because it was all conditional upon the church agreeing to let the Presbytery have a 99-year renewable lease on their land for $10 a year and build a big new office addition onto their church. I think they were right that Presbytery would have been coming out ahead on the deal, but my feeling was, why NOT help Presbytery out (since "they" are really "us", and we're all supposed to be working toward the same goals, right?) and give them a chance to show a little gratitude and good faith toward this church that they've tried to forcefully close down in the past? The alternatives they're discussing include the possibility of taking out a bank loan themselves using their very valuable (and still unencumbered) land as collateral, in order to fund new pastoral leadership and outreach programs. Right now, the contributions of the few members and the rents they get from allowing new churches of other denominations to use their building (they've been the 'nursery' for a lot of successful new churches over the years, most of which have eventually grown to the point of being able to afford their own building) are their only source of income, and that income doesn't quite meet the costs of building maintenance and utilities plus my minimal preaching fee each week.

As far as me and full-time pastoral ministry is concerned, I don't think I could or would ever go back to that. I never thought I'd be able to do something like that, being so introverted and shy, but I DID do it and was quite successful at it for a while. But once I'd proved to myself that I COULD do it, I found that I quickly became bored. I'm glad I had that parish experience, and I'm very glad for the lives I was able to affect for the better during those years, but the only parts of it that I continued to find interesting and in any way satisfying were the teaching and preaching aspects. I found out that I need a LOT more mental stimulation and a lot more chances to USE my intellectual gifts than parish ministry normally affords.

Being the "hired gun" (as you so aptly put it) actually suits me very well. I've even thought of having little cards printed (a la Paladin on that old Western TV show) saying "Have Robe--Will Travel". Partly, I enjoy the variety of being able to move around frequently between churches (if I had stayed in full-time ministry, I would have had to become an accredited Interim Minister, I think, in order to have an excuse to change churches every 6 to 18 months, rather than staying put for the minimum of three years that a called pastorate entails), and partly I enjoy the sense of freedom -- knowing that I come to work every Sunday purely by my own choice, that I can leave anytime I want, and that what I give to the church is a gift of love (since pulpit supply fees are more of an honorarium, rather than a salary). For me, professional full-time ministry began to feel a bit too much like prostitution -- being paid to 'love' people, whether I felt like it or not, and having too little freedom to choose. Now, instead of being "Mom" (the person who's supposed to take care of everybody's needs, read everybody's mind, and endure everybody's bad temper without ever indulging in any of my own), I get to be the "cool Aunt"--the person who dashes in, stays for a short while, makes everybody feel extra special, and then leaves before her welcome runs out, with no sense of owing anybody anything.

If I could teach at the college level during the week and preach as a hired gun on Sundays (pretty much as I'm doing now, only actually being paid a living wage for my teaching!), then that would be for me the best of all possible worlds.