A gift for Miss Murchison (warning---bad poetry alert!) [Confessions of a Liberal Puritan]

Following up on a conversation with

missmurchison this afternoon about her Buffy-Spike-Angel threesome fics -- and with a shout-out to Alton Brown of "Good Eats!" -- I offer this modest proposal in mangled verse:

There are some things that don't really mix,
Like vampires and sharp wooden sticks --
That's how it is now and ever has been.
Angel and Buffy have felt a compulsion
To mate, but their love needs emulsion --
To their mayonnaise, Spike's lecithin!

On their own, oil and lemon add flavor,
And combined, they've a tang that we savor,
Though their union seems doomed not to last.
Now, the brooding and drama and fighting
Of the B/A were always exciting
. . . and short-lived! But that's all in the past.

Spike began as a vampire Sid Vicious,
But he stuck (like dried egg yolk on dishes!),
And his ending should not be insipid.
Let a lasting relationship form
Among three heroes (two cold, and one warm),
With Spike's 'egg yolk' the key phospholipid!

I hope you like it, Miss M!

I'll start trying to think up a rhyme for "flying buttresses" next.

P.S. -- For more on lipid molecules and chemical bonds (comprehensible even to those of us who never got beyond high school science) plus a very nice mayonnaise recipe thrown in, check out this college biology course website: http://biology.clc.uc.edu/courses/bio104/lipids.htm

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Spike began as a vampire Sid Vicious,
But he stuck (like dried egg yolk on dishes!).

Has there ever been such a metaphor?

Perfect and inspiring! And I know Spike would be in awe of any woman who could rhyme "pospholipid."

We will get to work on the next chapter post haste.

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What can I say? I draw my metaphors and similes from life experience, and since I've been known to let breakfast dishes sit around for a week or two before washing them, I know first-hand the staying power of dried egg yolk! There's a good reason why medieval manuscript illuminators used it to add permanence to some of their paints.

As for the rest, I never thought about egg yolks as emulsifiers until tonight, when I saw the "Good Eats" mayonnaise show while I was still high on the latest episode of "Angel". Turns out, if you Google "lipid phosphate egg yolk emulsion", the first website that turns up includes not only cool graphics of fatty acid molecules and stuff, but also a handy recipe for mayo!

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I'm printing out both your poem and that web page to read over for further inspiration, as I eat my breakfast of bacon and eggs and muse about Spike's role as flying butt-ress.

I really, really love you.

Mr. M just came to read over my shoulder and ask why lipids? I tried to explain, but he has to get to work, so he said he apologizes for not having the time "to egg you on."

"Egg me on"? Groan!

I surrender!

Oh my GOD!

That was just... I. Have. No. Words.

But, William. I am quite certain that William would love it. Be really shocked at the content, mind, but love it nonetheless.

::snicker::

Alton Brown! I love him!

You really are quite brilliant and twisted.

"You really are quite brilliant and twisted."

*blushes*

Why, thank you so much! I do TRY to achieve just that balance between horrendously bad rhyme-scheme and meter (in honor of our beloved William) and twisted content (in honor of the delightfully bent Spike) to do justice to the subject matter!

Thanks for noticing!

You have too much time on your hands.

Lucky for the rest of us.

"flying buttresses next"

Buttress ye merry Gentlemen,
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember Spike our pants cramp vamp
Was souled only last May.
To save us all from Ubervamps
When they came out to slay.
O go flying ye buttresses, away flying away...
O go flying ye buttreses away.

Between the stunning brilliance of your new icon and the simply stunning nature of those lyrics . . . Well, I'm just really stunned!

That's freaking brilliant! But I see you decided NOT to rhym pants with damp and Ubervamp -- probably a good choice. You're so delightfully bent! I'm awed.

*sigh* I'll have to practice those lyrics, so I can sing them every Christmas.

That's freaking brilliant!

Ta. You did inspire me though, my brilliant one.

But I see you decided NOT to rhym pants with damp

Aaaargh! How could I miss damp?

But I will say, I am proud of "pants cramp vamp"

You're so delightfully bent!

It's one of my better qualities.

"Pants cramp vamp" WAS awesome -- and makes me yearn to see what you could do with a twisted Dr. Seuss version of this season's highlights on "Angel"!

Dr. Seuss scared the crap out of me as a child. (me a child, not him a child). He still does.

So, we'll have to find someone else for me to filk.

I see that we watched the same program yesterday night, after Angel. I love how Alton Brown explains all the scientific details in gastronomical science. It's one of my favorite shows on the food network.

The poem is wonderful. It sounds very much like something William would have composed.

Alton's great, and I agree -- if I had to pick just one Food Network program to watch, it would be his. Did you see him doing the 'color commentary' for the "Iron Chef America" battles? He did very well and actually managed to be both entertaining AND informative -- which seems to be his forte, no matter what the program. Without those little styrofoam balls with the tacks stuck in them, representing fat molecules with phospholipids/lecithin molecules stuck in them, I wouldn't have understood half of what was on that website I checked.

And thanks for saying that I sound like William's poetry -- That's kind of what I was going for. I figure, if you can't be a great artist, why not EMBRACE the mediocrity and celebrate it? Glorify it, even?

I haven't seen any of the Iron Chef America programs. But I believe you that Alton's commentary must be delightful.

The food network is great, but it tends to make me restless about cooking. It's like there's all this stuff I feel I should do, and I don't. But someday, someday, I will get a super stocked kitchen and cook for my friends.

I'll look forward to that! If I ever CLEAN my kitchen, I'll be able to cook for people again (kitchen well-stocked, but way too cluttered, 'cause I love the creativity of cooking, but really wish I had a crew to clean up after me like the TV chefs!). And you'd be first on my list to invite.

You know, I think we would make great cooking buddies: Revdorothy cooks, Gobi cleans up. As long as I'm provided with rubber gloves (prefferably in fun colors), I'm happy. Actually, I'm known to start cleaning up before the cooking is finished... which is not always good. So a better strategy may be to lock me out of the kitchen and let me loose later.
(on second thought, I also enjoy peeling and chopping things, so I can be employed in this capacity as well. Somebody just needs to hide the sponges for the time being.)

And you'll be on my list as well, Revdorothy.

You are a genius.

*blush* You're too kind! Got any ideas for a rhyme with either "gothic cathedral" or "flying buttress"?

Followed a link in herself's journal, and haven't stopped giggling since. Ingenious. And damn funny.

Thank you! The second poem on a B/S/A metaphor (Spike as flying buttress to Buffy/Angel's gothic cathedral) isn't as much fun, but, honestly, how can you top "phospholipid" for bad poetry?

I'm here via herself as well. Hee! As wonderful a metaphor for B/S/A that I've ever seen. Spike as phospholipid...ack! now that image is stuck in my head! But in a good way. *g*

"Spike as phospholipid...ack! now that image is stuck in my head! But in a good way."

Good! Now maybe that image will finally move out of MY head, before it compels me to even more drastic action (like finding rhymes for "hydrophilic" and "hydrophobic" and "trans-fatty acid" -- because, frankly, I don't think any of us would want to see that)!

flying buttresses, hmm, mistress, huntress, fortress, none really go

::strains to remember books from childhood::

I do not like this Angel man
I do not like him Sam I am

I do not like him when he broods
I do not like his silly moods

would you like him if he grinned?
would you like him flayed and skinned?

I do not like him on this day
I did not like him yesterday

would you like him now and then?
would you like him bedridden?

I do not like his leather coat
it is as bent as a nine bob note

would you like him in a suit?
would you like the big galoot?

I do not like his poofy hair
I do not like his evil lair

would you like his shiny head?
would you like a crypt instead?

I do not like this Angel man
I do not like him Sam I am
But it seems I am a yolk
And he may be a decent bloke

!!!!!!! As soon as I catch my breath from laughing hysterically, I'll tell you that I'm awed by your 'in-Seuss-iant' wit and talent!

Now, I'm picturing illustrations to go with this brilliant text.

thank you, thank you, thank you!

http://uk.f2.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/dodyskin/detail?.dir=/534e&.dnm=1043.jpg

apologies for the quality, scanner is poo, artist even worse

I followed the link, but all it leads to is the word "SEUSS" with no apparent links to a photo or anything -- was that what you intended? Or am I just demonstrating, yet again, that I'm computer clueless?

Hmm, not being a fully fledged geek I can't see what the prob is. I can follow the link fine. maybe you have to sign in to yahoo. If I weren't so drunk I would upload onto my geocities webspace but I can't remember how to do it. Gadzooks, how embarrassing.

http://uk.geocities.com/dodyskin@btinternet.com/seuss.jpg

if it doesn't work, select, copy, and paste back into the bar

Hilarious -- "nancy boy"!

Confessions of a Liberal Puritan

A gift for Miss Murchison (warning---bad poetry alert!)

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stuck like dried egg yolk on dishes

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Guh!

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Not A/S/B ... but it's what popped into my fevered brain

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Bwahahaha, funny

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so I had five minutes

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drunk but not incompetent

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October